I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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