I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
