did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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