I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
