btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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