why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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