just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This toilet bowl is my home.
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