Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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