I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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