Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
