Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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