i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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