Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
