I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
