Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
