I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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