Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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