She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
People in love make me want to vomit
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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