woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
