I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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