I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
