Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
