Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
