I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize