Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
