I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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