What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
