did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
