Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
