great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
