So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
