When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
