i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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