when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
