Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
