Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
