Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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