Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
