sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
