my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wear drunk well.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
