I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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