literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we're making bets on your personal life
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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