ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
