I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
