i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
