My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have fence marks all over my body
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
