what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
