I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
