i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry about my life...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
