I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
