WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
