boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Shame - the story of my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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