My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize