i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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