I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
