So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
