she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
