A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
