Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
PANTIES FOUND
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