Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i love accidental penises.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
