I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
