My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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