Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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