I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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