dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
