Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
