I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
