so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
